31 Days: When The Move Is Not A Happy One

I remember that night so clearly. It was about a year after our move to Indiana, and I was completely broken. I was sick (again) from chronic Lyme Disease, and I was more than a little depressed about where God had planted me.

I was sitting in the basement, sobbing to my husband, while he held me in his arms and I told him how much I hated it there.

I had big hopes and dreams for that move. I had done my research. I'd picked a charming little small town with quaint shops and good schools and a big library. If it was so perfect, then why didn't I fit there?

One year later, and I was still friendless. Oh sure, some neighbors would wave, but I wasn't included in their social circle. The church was big, but a year later and we had connected with no one there in a meaningful way.

The boys were doing fine. They were going to school and making friends. In time, my husband and I were becoming more and more reclusive. We were going through the motions on a daily basis.

My sweet husband offered to let me move back home to live with my mom. He would start looking for a different job, anything to make me happy, to make us happy.

It was so tempting.

I really wanted to throw in the towel, abandon ship and shout out from my deck into the neighborhood and surrounding town "YOU WIN! I SURRENDER!"

But I didn't.

I knew that the timing was not right, and that my plan was not coinciding with God's plan for my life.

What do you do when the move is not what you expected?

Here are a few things we did to make small changes for the better:

* I got a part-time job working in retail. Getting out of the house and socializing with other people at this particular women's clothing store was really important for me. I found fellowship there, in the work place, when I had found it no where else.

*We changed churches. We had been going to a large church that was a twenty to thirty minute drive from our house, and it left us feeling flat. We tried Sunday school, Bible studies, choir, book club, and none of it clicked for us. It wasn't until we discovered a small church plant down the road from us that we finally felt some connection. And even that did not come easy. We worked at it for three years before it felt like home.

*God gave us a new ministry focus by allowing us to open our home to our sons' friends on a regular basis. Our house became the spot for late night video games and cookouts and movie nights, and we really came to love all of the young men and women that our sons brought through the door.

*We began attending mid-week family nights at our church, and it was something we looked forward to every week. Ed served on the church council and I took part in women's ministry.

*I visited home and family whenever I could. It's important to get back to the people who know you and love you anyway. :)

*I continued to do the things I loved, whether it was alone or with one or more of my sons. Sometimes, I could even get my boys to go junk shopping with me if I bribed them with lunch. I went on a lot of girl's days out when I was the only girl in attendance. A Starbucks coffee, a trip to Barnes and Noble, a drive to the needle art shop in town. I would take a class, go on a home tour, visit a local festival. I became pretty accustomed to flying solo.

*I walked...a lot. On those mornings when it felt like I would lose it if I couldn't talk to someone who just completely "got" me, I would lace up my Avias and hit the trail for a few miles, spending time with God.

I will not lie. It was a tough five years. Sometimes, home relocation just does not gel for all parties included. Military families have a system in place for their transient way of life. But corporate relocations do not come with support systems. You live and you learn and you grow with every move. What works for one move may not work for another. Some towns and neighborhoods are just friendlier and more welcoming than others.

Today, we feel welcomed, included, and settled. We are counting our blessings in the good times and the bad, thankful for the journey.