A Year of Loss and Gain

It's been a year of loss and gain.

Some years are just like that.

One step forward, two steps back.

After a year of searching for a church family to call home, we finally found one and became members.

Gain!

And we had to tell them two months later that we were moving.

Loss.

My husband got a big promotion at work.

Gain!

A promotion that required us to move.

Loss.

We sold our house quickly and for a profit.

Gain!

We can't afford the market where we are moving.

Loss.

Some years are just like that.

The biggest loss our family has suffered this year is one that still hurts so much that just to tell you about it, it brings me thisclosetotears. Which is why I haven't written about it for three months now.

In January, we had to say goodbye to our beloved dog, our Maggie girl.

 At fourteen and a half years, she had a good long life. But we knew she would not survive the winter. Every day, life was becoming more and more difficult for her. Finally, I made the call for her last appointment with the vet...because I knew my husband could never bring himself to do it.

On her last morning, we huddled around her in this very same spot, not knowing what to do or what to say. How do you say goodbye to someone you have loved for so long?

"Let's lay our hands on Maggie and pray for her," I said.

And so we did. And this was the prayer that came out of my mouth.

"Dear Heavenly Father, you promised us, through your son Jesus Christ, that not a single sparrow falls to the ground that you, our heavenly Father, does not know about it. You care for your creation, Lord, and you care for Maggie. And so we commend to you our dog Maggie,a beautiful part of your creation. We have loved her well, and she has loved us as well. We thank you for this gift of Maggie, and we pray that you would bring her comfort and peace. In Jesus name, Amen."

I heard Beth Moore once talk about something that her husband often says: Saying goodbye is a necessary life skill. And that is so true.

I'd like to tell you that her death was a lovely and beautiful thing. But honestly, that would be a lie. Death is ugly. It's as ugly as sin. But thanks be to God that Jesus has conquered death and the grave with his victory over sin.

It has been three months to the day that we said goodbye to a really good dog. And there's not a day that goes by that I don't miss her. Not just the routine of her, the waking up and the morning greeting and the feeding and the inside and outside a hundred times a day. I miss the comfort that she brought me on a daily basis. I didn't realize how often I went to her on crappy days, just for her comfort and presence and reassurance that everything would be fine. I've had a lot of crappy days since she has gone, and I feel the loss of her keenly.

I made this page in my journaling Bible to remember that day, and to remember our Maggie girl.