As far as thrones go, this one probably doesn't look the part. But this is where we sat, just a few weeks ago, my husband and I. We were in deep conversation over the house in Illinois that my husband wanted to buy. Did you catch that part? That "my husband wanted to buy" part? Because truthfully, I wanted to run far and fast from the house and never look back.
I made an estimated cost analysis of the house...in red ink, to show how serious this was. The repairs needed are extensive. The updates and remodeling projects will take months, if not years. The time, the money, the energy necessary. I just don't know if I have it in me. And to be completely honest, I can see this as a two year house, but not a dream house, and certainly not a forever house.
What to do? We were, no, we ARE exhausted. Tired of looking at houses, tired of seeing what our money can and cannot buy, tired of putting offers on houses that fall apart. Tired.
What to do?
And that's when my husband said "Should we pray on it?"
We sat there, knees to knees, holding hands with heads bowed, as Ed lead us in prayer. And when he was done and had said his "Amen", I knew there was no turning back.
"If God wants us to make ugly houses pretty, then I guess that's what we'll have to do," I said.
And I cried. I cried because I don't want to live in ugly houses. I cried because I am leaving a beautiful house with a beautiful garden in a beautiful neighborhood.
I wish I could tell you that the peace of Christ which passes all understanding came over me at that moment, but it did not. This move has been anything but peaceful. It has been heart wrenching at every turn. And in the past, our moves have taken three months, start to finish. This move has been in the works since January. I can only compare it to pulling off a band aid painfully slowly.
I have not handled this pain gracefully.
The packers come on Tuesday. The movers will be here on Thursday. By this time next week, we will be waiting patiently for the moving van to unload our worldly goods. And then the work of making house will begin.
It will not be easy, but God never promised me easy.
I continue to approach the throne of grace, praying for grace sufficient for the twenty four hours ahead of me.