Wednesday, March 2, 2016
Make Our Home
I spend a lot of time thinking about home. What is home? What makes a house home? How can I feel "at home"?
My word for this year is "Rooted", which connects so beautifully with thoughts of home.
I read this in a devotional recently, and it really struck me in a profound way.
"Praying for God's kingdom to come is praying that the Holy Spirit would lead us to receive Jesus, believe Him, and keep His word. He (Jesus) says that when we keep His Word, He and the Father and the Holy Spirit will come and make their home with us."
When you move four times in a ten year period, you start to collect a lot of ideas on what home is, and what it isn't. What it should be. What it could be. What it needs to be.
My husband and I had a rare Saturday morning alone together. We ate brunch at our favorite local spot and just talked about the mundane and the meaningful.
When we moved to the Chicago suburbs nine months ago, we thought we'd have all kinds of visitors...friends and family popping over as an excuse to get to the city. What we found has actually been the exact opposite. We've had one weekend of family visitors, and beyond that no one has come through our door. The drive...too far. The traffic...too scary. The weather...too unpredictable. For whatever reason, this house in this location has become the most remote for us.
We spoke about this, over coffee and muffins. My husband voiced what I thought was only in my head and heart. We are just not connecting here, for whatever reason. There is something missing. It isn't one tangible thing. It is just a feeling of exhaustion that comes from working so hard to make all things come together. House. School. Work. Connections.
Now I know what some of you are thinking. Wow, you haven't even lived there a full year yet! Aren't you going to give it some time before you throw in the towel?
Trust me, when you've relocated as often as we have, you know pretty quickly if things will work out or not.
I think that if we'd moved to this area twelve years ago, we'd have made it our home and been pretty content. But we are older now, and in a different place in our lives than we were back then. Some things that once mattered just don't any more. And other things that didn't seem so important back in the day are now at the forefront. Time. Perspective. In this season of life, we know what we want, and what we want is home.
We have decided to look for home.
We may not get there this year, but we will get there soon. If it means a downsize, we are totally on board. If it means a job change, we are open. And honestly, we haven't pinpointed exactly where home will be. We just know that we will be close to family, in a place that is familiar and right in this season.
This time, the move will not be necessitated by a corporate relocation and hurried time table. We will take our time, because what we want more than anything is to be rooted...to know in our hearts that the next place we land will be the fertile soil where we can dig in deep, relax, and plant ourselves for a good long while.
The words of Psalm 90 are ever present in our thoughts. "Lord, you have been our dwelling place throughout all generations...The length of our days is seventy years---or eighty, if we have strength; yet their span is but trouble and sorrow, for they quickly pass, and we fly away...Teach us to number our days aright, that we may gain a heart of wisdom."
We are praying for wisdom, praying for His kingdom come and His will be done. Wherever we are, we know one thing for certain: we want our house and hearts to be His dwelling place.
Rooted. Maybe not how I had envisioned it to be.