In Defense of Young Marriage

 

A surprising thing happened in our family this fall. Our youngest son, Samuel, was just a month shy of his twentieth birthday when he told us to sit down and pour ourselves a glass of wine because he had an announcement to make.

These days, a proclamation of this sort can raise a parent’s stress level from calm to chaos in a matter of seconds. I had a thousand questions, so I asked the first one that came to mind.

“Which wine?” I asked.

“Cabernet Sauvignon,” he answered. Apparently, my son has become a sommelier while studying engineering at the University of Michigan. I should thank the frat houses for that.

“A Cab is a serious wine. This must be a serious announcement.”

“It is,” he replied.

My mind raced with the possibilities of what we might hear. I’m dropping out of university. I’m joining the Marines. I’m going to backpack through Europe, busking on the streets with my guitar. And those were the easy scenarios. I shudder to think of the crazier scenarios that parents have heard in recent years.

My husband and I dutifully poured our wine, sat at the table, and waited for the news.

“I’m getting married!”

I think we were both stunned into silence for a few seconds. I can’t recall which one of us asked the obvious question first.

“O-kay. You’re getting married…to who?”

To our knowledge, College Boy wasn’t even dating anyone.

And that was when he decided to spill the beans on his love for the girl he first met in sixth grade, who he had been keeping in contact with all these years, even from three states away. The “friend” had always been more than a friend. And now, he wanted to marry her. They had recently envisioned what their future lives together would look like. Travel. Work. The names of their children. He’d never been more certain of anything in his life.

We asked a few more questions. Was this wedding going to take place soon? 

He thought they’d finish college first (good idea), but very soon after graduation. And he wanted to buy her a ring. 

We talked about promise rings, searched the internet and found what he was looking for from the Christian jeweler James Avery, and placed an order for two simple sterling silver bands that College Boy could afford.

Looking back, I’m surprised at how calmly my husband and I responded to the news. Granted, it took us a few days to process it. But at the time, we simply congratulated him and wished him every happiness. 

Understandably, a lot can happen in two and a half years. Long distance relationships are never easy. But Sam is an intense, committed sort of person. If he sets his mind to a thing, it will happen. 

And wow. He seems genuinely happy.

Our sons know that I am a proponent for young marriage, when possible. Studies continue to show the benefits of marriage and family creation, from economic advantages  to positive mental and physical health outcomes.  And let’s face it. What can be more demoralizing than the endless gerbil wheel cycle known as dating?

Marriage has been getting a bad rap in recent years. Tiktok influencers and celebrities are glamourizing the single life. Spouse? Kids? That sounds like a lot of work. Let’s put that off for as long as possible. There are concerts to attend, and trips to take, and whiskey bars to explore. Spouses and children take up valuable time that could be spent on entertainment.

It is true. Family formation takes a lot of time, energy, and commitment. There are a million daily sacrifices along the way. But there are also countless blessings that unfold during different seasons of life if a couple is committed to each other.

What about those individuals who put off marriage altogether? The single life may look appealing in the early years, when days are filled with career advancement and a wide array of options to fill a social calendar. But as studies have shown, the epidemic of loneliness often impacts us more profoundly in the second half of life. Without a spouse or children, these individuals are susceptible to isolation.

Delayed marriage also has its complications. Couples who marry later in life are faced with decreased fertility opportunities, and many regret not having children sooner. This data is reflected in our declining fertility rates, which will soon have social and economic impacts.  One needs only to look at the crisis that is currently being addressed in Europe, where countries are seeing the lowest fertility rates since 1960. Many countries are now giving financial incentives to young people to have more children, and changing policies to encourage family formation.

So yes, I am in support of Samuel’s marriage plan. And my husband and I are ready to become grandparents, if the Lord allows it. As we talk about his future in the days ahead, I hope that he will come to see the blessings that marriage will have in store for him. If each one can serve the other and put their spouses needs first, then I do not see why young marriage cannot become a marriage that has stood the test of time for, oh, say thirty four years? There will be hard days. There will be surprising days. And there will be days that may require a bottle of good wine.

I suggest the Cab.

Sam is bringing his beloved to Thanksgiving dinner next week. She came to visit us last month, too. And she's a genuinely sweet girl. Wouldn't this be the cutest love story to tell their grandchildren one day?

So yes, September was eventful for our family. Two sons, now officially "engaged". And young ladies who are now a part of our family celebrations.

Life is good, café friends!